


Not Me

by lostatsea



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, The Josh Dun/Debby Ryan is only just mentioned really, it's short but i just needed to vent, this is a vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 06:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11892345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostatsea/pseuds/lostatsea
Summary: It wasn’t Tyler who was loving him under the safety of his sheets and through the screen of his phone.





	Not Me

As soon as Tyler Joseph retreated to the comfort and privacy of his own room, he immediately grabbed his phone from its usual resting spot, his back pocket, and pulled the covers of his plain bedspread just over his nose. The lock screen instantly enveloped the room in an invasive light, a contrast to the otherwise dark atmosphere of his room at night. He blinked a couple of times to adjust to the brightness before proceeding to unlock his phone and continue on with his nightly routine—stalking people on Instagram. 

Well, for Tyler, it was not people in general. It was just one person. 

Tyler tapped onto the second page of the app hastily, triggering the pop-up search bar, before using the small keyboard to feed his phone with a name. A smile tugged on his lips when he saw the username crawl to the top of his screen with a dot icon. One new post. 

Tyler’s fingers were already accustomed to fast, jolty movements from the constant use of his phone, so it wasn’t a surprise when he clicked on Josh Dun’s profile at the speed of light. 

His page only took a second to load before the grand reveal caused Tyler’s breath to hitch. 

A selfie. 

Tyler had to let out a small, soundless chuckle at his own excitement that formed over this seemingly small event. But then his eyes dropped down to the caption of the image, and his heart almost stopped. It was Josh’s birthday. 

Tyler didn’t shame himself on not knowing the birthday of a person he stalked every night; he never had actually talked to this kid or met him in real life. He only saw him from a distance, during the long, unnecessary stares that Tyler threw at him when he passed by his lunch spot every single day. He probably held his glance for a second too long, but that didn’t matter when he was in the moment, captivated by a messy swirl of neon, colored hair and kind eyes. 

But he quickly snapped out of his trance when an idea was born in Tyler’s brain: other people must have posted pictures for Josh’s birthday. 

That thought straightaway elicited another search. Tyler immediately clicked on the rightmost icon on his profile, prompting a handful of other users who had tagged Josh in a photo.

The latest photo that included Josh was absolutely adorable. Standing with a friend and a bag of Taco Bell, Josh was grinning so large that his eyes squinted upward. Tyler’s heart fluttered eagerly inside of his chest. He would die to be the one standing with him in the picture, and he knew for sure he’d also enjoy the delicious tacos nestled in the bag. His mind even drifted to the thought of taking Josh on a future date to Taco Bell, but he quickly gathered his senses and steered himself away from that; he was getting ahead of himself. 

And that’s exactly what he was doing. The next photo was something he definitely did not want to see. 

Josh was posed with a girl in the dingy mall lighting, up close by a mirror in some random store. They had their arms wrapped around each other tightly, only one remaining free to snap the photo. Josh was grinning even larger this time, a flush of pink dancing on his cheeks that matched the bright hue of his hair. 

Scanning his eyes to the girl, Tyler instantly recognized that face from school—it was the face of Debby Ryan. She was supposedly the best on the cheerleading team, everyone raved about her kindness, and she sported what everyone else thought were the most gorgeous, amber-colored eyes. 

Then, Tyler looked at the comment section. Gloom terrorized his heart in one giant sweep, and his stomach felt locked and shallow. Debby had included a plethora of pink hearts, writing the words, “Happy Birthday to the best boyfriend ever!” 

This was it. The end. 

Every other boy would have died to be on the receiving end of that comment, but Tyler didn’t feel that way. He wanted to be in her place, standing next to the handsome and punk-rock Josh Dun that sent his mind into a spiral of haze. But in actuality, the truth pierced him like a bullet. 

Tyler lingered on the photo only for a moment longer as any other, desired actions slipped away from him like a lost soul. He was stranded again. 

He then quickly tried to flushed those thoughts from his brain, attempting to steer away from the poisonous reality that he was engulfed him. 

That reality was why he turned off his phone quickly, shoved it in his charger and let go angrily, ignoring the clatter that spilled when it plummeted to the floor. That reality was why he turned himself to face the black wall against his bed, his eyes stale and mouth dry with emotions that Tyler never dared let escape (especially not over this). That reality was why Tyler tried to forget that his was making him upset because normal boys like girls, not the other way around. And Tyler Joseph had to be normal. 

He let himself push the thoughts away before the emotions seeped deep enough into his bones. The feelings were only dancing on his skin, taunting a preview of the struggle and heartbreak Tyler concealed so intensely. 

It wasn’t Tyler who was doing this.

It wasn’t Tyler who was thinking this.

It wasn’t Tyler who was loving him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, it would mean the world to me if you'd let me know.


End file.
